A Judas Kiss

“Once you learn to wash the feet of Judas then you’ve learned to love like Jesus.” 

Jerry Flowers

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I heard Reverend Michael say in a sermon that no one gets out of here without a Judas kiss. Lord knows I have given and received my share. It feels like nothing could have prepared me for what this last year of my life had in store for me. And yet everything has prepared me “to be more loving in my heart” as Howard Thurmond said.

Reverend Michael said we are here to perfect our loving not our judgment. If we only love the people who are kind to us and love us back, how is that going to change the world? We must learn to love those who betray us, blindside us, and attempt to bring us to our knees. We have to learn to wash the feet of Judas. Now, that doesn’t mean we don’t set boundaries and hold people accountable for their behavior.

What does it look like? I pray for their health and happiness. I affirm they are on their path to joy. I do my forgiveness work. I forgive myself for my judgment of myself and another. I apologize sometimes in my journal, sometimes out loud as if they are in the room with me. Many nights I woke up saying I love you and I forgive you. As Jesus said, forgive them. They know not what they do. I stay steeped in my practice. As A Course in Miracles teaches, I ask for guidance as to where to go, what to do,  what to say, and to whom. 

There is only one of us here. As A Course in Miracle says, What I deny you I deny myself. What I give to you I give to myself. Hurt people hurt people. The hurt has splayed my heart open to hold more love. I feel more compassion than I have ever known before. Compassion for myself and others. I walk with new sense of humility. Jesus knew all along what Judas was going to do and he washed his feet. 

Affirmation

I cultivate compassion for myself and others. I am here to perfect my loving and not my judgment. And so it is…

- Debora Varn